T-Bay Barbie - Now With More Snowmobiles

Remember when Barbie thought math was hard and decided to make some cookies for the boys insead of doing her homework? Well this is where she ended up.

How has this store in T-Bay not received a cease-and-desist order from Mattel?

Back alleys - more that just litter and urine stains

I Found this behind an old warehouse in T-Bay.

What was I doing behind an old warehouse?  It's none of your business, but I was doing yoga.  And, no - my hobo stab insurance policy isn't up-to-date.

Now, tell me what you realy think

One day last winter I wasn't able to get into my parking spot due to heavy snowfall and general tire shittiness, so I parked in the church parking lot next door to the apartment I was renting.  In the morning I found this...

My car was actually tiny enough to get out of this tight space.  I found out later that the caretaker at the church wanted to tell me I couldn't park there.  Actions speak louder than words.

Who's Featured at Centerfolds?

Napoleon Dynamite Exists - And He's Calling from Inside the House!!

Remember when you watched Napoleon Dynamite and you screamed and buried your face into your mother's ample bosom and you made her promise that he was make-believe and she shhhhhh'd you and rocked you and you cried yourself to sleep? 

Well - she lied.  Not about the fact that the monkeymen from planet of the apes weren't real.  Not about the fact that there wasn't a witch under your bed that would grab your feet as you stepped toward the bed.  Not about the fact that the Incredible Hulk was just a deaf guy in makeup. 

What she lied about was the possibility that anyone could turn out as nerdy...as...this...

http://www.sexypeople-blog.com/2009/09/marc.html

Who's Featured at Centerfolds?

Overheard at Safeway

A number of "Overheard at [insert populous and relatable location here]" websites have popped up over the last few years.  Popular with cynics and people who think they are smarter than the average man/womyn on the street, "Overheard at..." sites quote things others overhear while going about their day to day business.  For instance, Overheard in New York (http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/) recently posted the following:

Girl sitting with friends listening to music: Ohmigod, the guy who sings this song is sooooooo ugly!
Friend: Really?
Girl: My family said I look like him.

and the successor to Overheard at Western (http://overheardatwestern.blogspot.com/), Eavesdrop Western (http://eavesdropwestern.blogspot.com/) recently posted the following:

A group of first year girls are talking about getting good fake IDs
Girl#1: I think it's really awesome if you can get your sibling's ID, cause then they usually look like you, and you already know all of the information.
Girl#2: Oh my god, you know what would be amazing?! If you could get your twin's ID! They would look EXACTLY like you!

I overheard something the other day at the grocery store that has caused me to consider starting my own website entitled "Overheard at Safeway":

Guy #1, while looking at what looks like a shopping list or a recipe: Should we get fresh garlic or garlic powder?
Guy #2: We could just get fresh garlic and break it up to get the powder out.

Escape Capades

I know this blog is very close to becoming a blog that should be called "Cat Superiority Complex", but whatever.  My cats are important and happen to be the newly-discovered center of the universe, so drink them up while hearing about them is still free.

As I've reported before, our cat Robo is a little escape/con artist who we keep on a leash when he's unsupervised in the back yard.  The leash doesn't keep him in the yard, but it keeps him from wandering off when he leaves the yard.  I bought a safety harness that he can escape from if he gets hung up on something, and it proved its value the other day.  That's right Robo - continue to be shamed.

I looked out the window to make sure he was still in the yard, and lo and behold, he wasn't. When I find that he has picked all the yard's locks, my next step is to follow the leash in the hopes that there is a little white cat on the other end.  In this case, the harness was empty.  He hadn't wandered far.  He was in the yard behind our house, which was odd because that yard is usually occupied by what we have dubbed "the hell hound".  It's a super old dog that, in my opinion, looks like one of the hell hounds from Willow, starring none other than a baby Tobey Meyer (Tobey is a T-Bay pal for all you non-T-Bayers).  You can see one of the fearsome canines run through a scene near the beginning of the trailer.

Before Robo got out of his harness to go visit the dog from Hades, he seemed to have quite an adventure in the tree in the laneway. Check out his escape route through the sapling beside our yard.



It's like he grew wings or something.  Robo...have you been drinking Red Bull?

Well, Look Who Came Crawling Back With an Apology?

As I left the house the other day I spotted Pepe, the killer cat, in our front bushes.  I decided to exact my revenge by shaking the bushes, stomping, clapping really loud and making our yard generally terrifying for Pepe.  I chased him across the road to his yard (after making sure there was no traffic, of course).  I'm sure anyone who witnessed this spectacle now thinks I'm crazy.

I decided to scare him right onto his own property and as I was going in for delivery of the final clapping-stomping-yelling scare, he cocked his little head and went "mew?  mew?".  My heart melted and then this happened.



Another kitten video for all you kitten lovers.  KITTENS!

Who's Featured at Centerfolds?

I'm introducing a new element to Lake Superiority Complex.  It's called "Who's Featured at Centerfolds?".
Centerfolds is the local gentlemen's club in T-Bay and they advertise their featured dancer on their marquee.  I won't add any commentary on most of the posts in this new element.  The pictures tend to speak to themselves.  Also, I don't want any bikers or naked people after me - I'm having enough of an issue with the neighborhood cats. 

I didn't get a picture of it, but a couple of weeks ago the featured dancer was named "Swix", which is really funny because Swix is a popular brand of nordic ski wax and T Bay is a huge nordic ski centre in Canada.  Maybe someday there will be a featured dancer named "Salomon" or "Fischer".

Without further ado, here's the first installment of "Who's Featured at Centerfolds?"

I'm also considering adding an element called "What's A&W Advertising?" because their local marquee is pretty funny too.  Right now it says "BABY SIRLOIN TWINS".  I'm sure they could have come up with something that sounds a little less infanticidal.

Don't Trust the Six Finger'd Cat

I was trying to think of a funny way to introduce this, but I'll just come right out and say it because I think it's funny enough on its own - I was attacked by a neighborhood cat on the weekend.  You're probably saying to yourself, "that's not funny at all", but you would have laughed if you heard me shriek like Nellie Oleson in a mudfight when the attack happened.

Robo and our neighbor's cat, Pepe, were having a "cat-chat" in the laneway behind our house. 

Robo was on his leash, but not unlike the Poky Little Puppy and his siblings, he had left our yard by wriggling under the fence.When I came near to them, Pepe approached me and was purring and winding around my legs like he usually does when he wants to be pet.  So I leaned over him and started petting him.  Out of nowhere, he jumped up and wraped himself around my head - well, at least it felt that way.  He ended up putting a gash in my eyelid...

a couple of wounds on my neck (one of which is a deep puncture wound)...

 another smaller puncture wound on my shoulder and a scrape on my cheek a la Inigo Montoya.

I swear on Vizzini's grave that if that Count Rugen of a cat comes around our place again, I will fight it with a lightsabre.



Man.  The only person who says, "my name is..." more than good old Inigo is Slim Shady.

Home is Where Your Keyboard Is

As most of you know, I travel frequently for work, but life as a jet setter is coming to an end soon.  I've accepted a job that will allow me to work from home full time and I'll only have to travel once every couple of months rather than every couple of weeks.  Now I'll be able to wear my jammies for months at a time rather than just weeks at a time.  Just think of the money I'll save on clothes, laundry, bathing, grooming, caring, generalized anxiety disorder medication and all the other things that makes a person respected by peers and strangers alike.

For those of you who have been watching too much Mad Men - No, my home office doesn't look like this...

...although, I will admit that flitting around the house all day in a crinoline and heels, pulling roast after roast out of a goldenrod oven looks mighty tempting.  I'll wait until Sean's done med school before I invest in frilly white gloves with the sole purpose of protecting my hands while concurrently smoking and vacuuming.

In my old job, I acted as a consultant for people and helped them out with their work problems.  Most of their problems were low on the scale compared to some other people's problems (see Gary Busey or Rwandan Genocide), but everyone's wants and needs in life is relative to their reality, right?  When I considered showing the following "public service announcement" to help people understand the downside of pursuing a promotion for which they are not prepared, I figured it was time to move on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeR_gYW90_E&feature=related

Thanks Sam Raimi - now we know...and knowing is half the battle.

All disgruntled grandma curses and cursing Englishmen aside, I loved my job, but it was time to try something new.  Now I'm fixing stuff instead of people, which is waaaaay more straight-forward.  It's like the difference between fixing a car using tools vs fixing a car by listening to it, giving it suggestions and providing moral support.

In preparation for my home-based workforce of one, I've purchased a sturdy yet comfortable fat man hat and I plan on washing it many times a day due to the sweat that will pour into it from my brow as I toil.  I've also purchased Dom DeLuise's seminal novel, "How to Live Large and Laze Hard".  Snoopers has been practicing his tried and true methods for years now and it has brought him great success in the category of "lounging".

Can you see the resemblance?