The Worst Job - Be Happy You Don't Have It

Picture it. You're toiling over a project that you have to complete for work. You want to impress your boss and your colleagues, but most of all, you want to impress your customers. You've added some extra details and you've perfected the finishing touches. Done and done. Ahhh - after a sigh of relief and a rush of personal pride in flawless execution, you can rest easy knowing that your project will really shine.

Now here's an interesting twist. What if someone came into the room and peed all over your work? Because that's what I did to a member of our cleaning staff the other day at work. She was exiting the warshroom with cleaning supplies in hand. I was entering with a full bladder and a hankering for relief.

Hats off to the cleaning staff in my building at work. They do a great job. I've never been reluctant to sit and relax during my private bathroom time at work. In no other profession do people literally shit all over your work (unless you have some corproreal installation art job). I wonder if our cleaning staff has a sense of pride in knowing that the next person to use that bathroom will have a comfortable experience or if there's a sense of resentment because the next person will sully your masterpiece.

I've had some interesting toilet experiences in my travels, including the most disgusting port-o-potty on the planet at an outdoor concert (I blame it on Our Lady Peace) and a shoilet in a hostel in London, England. What is a shoilet, you ask? Well, it's a shower stall with a toilet in it. Sure, the toilet would fill with water and overflow, but the seat was always clean. Not dry, but clean...with wet hair stuck to it.

The shoilet we had in our hostel room was considerably more disgusting and cramped than the one pictured above (you had to straddle the un-lidded toilet while showering), but at least you could pee while shaving your legs. MULTITASKING!!

A clean public bathroom is such a rare find. It's pure luxury in the least luxurious of places. I read somewhere that the stall closest to the door on the left-hand side of a public bathroom is always the cleanest, because that's the one that people avoid. the majority of people have a natural tendency to go to the right and want to get as far from the washroom entrance as possible. I also make a frequent habit of using the handicapped bathroom. I know - using that which was meant for the less fortunate is selfish and offensive, but...well, OK - there's no excuse, but rest assured that I make my stops short.

For all you boys out there who would like to contribute to cleaner bathrooms all over the world, I encourage you to watch this instructional video.

For all you ladies out there who want to contribute to a crazier environment all over the world, I encourage you to watch THIS instructional video.

Seriously...who let Celine out? Who? Who? Who? Who? I'm asking because I am not impressed with their Celine-sitting abilities.