Even if the shoe doesn’t fit…wear it!

WARNING!! This post contains graphic pictures and information that will not be interesting to most men of the non-metrosexual and/or non-manscaped variety. If you are not interested in all things girlie, please distract yourself with this link that should prove to be more up your alley (I know how much you dudes like Bon Jovi).

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I used to be able to wear any shoes and as long as they were close to the right size (9, 10 or 11 rather than a size 6). I wouldn’t get blisters. My feet wouldn’t get tired. My toes would stay fully awake and I never thought to myself, “are my toes numb because I've squished a nerve or have they broken off and are rattling around in my shoes untethered?” Maggie’s feet of today are much different from Maggie’s feet of yesteryear (Maggie promises she will never write in the third person ever again).

A few years ago, I swore off stylish footwear. I had worn pointy-toed stilettos for a couple of years and those years of foot abuse caused my regular arches (the arch that runs from toes to heel) and the arches I didn’t know existed (the arch that runs along the base of your toes from Big to Baby) to fall like investment bankers in the late 1920s. Now, without the help of orthotics or other foot supports, I usually end up with bloody stumps in the place of feet by the end of the day. It's Birkenstocks and ballerina flats for me...until recently.

I've recently decided that I too deserve to wear fabulous footwear and I was willing to put some work and research (and money) into making it happen.

The change of tune occurred when I was in a training session a while ago and one of my fellow learners was wearing these awesome high-heeled cowboy boots. I coveted my neighbor's boots, Lord. Please forgive me.

I complimented her on her covet-worthy boots and she said that they were the best purchase she made in years. She said that she bought them because they're beautiful, but she said the bonus was that they're surprisingly comfortable. I guffawed and she said that she was serious. She said that it was a miracle - she could walk around in them all day and her feet felt ok by the end of the day.

That was it. I was sick of being stuck with sensible shoes. I was ready for a foray into the world of fabulousness, so I went out that night in search of some unreasonable shoes. And I found some. And they are unreasonable. They are a pair of red, high heeled pumps that have a peep toe and damn it, I'll be wearing them at our wedding come hell or high calluses.

I had to fight a number of foot forces in order to tolerate my new shoes and through my return trip to high-heeldom (helldom?), I've learned a few things.

Revelation 1 - Wedges

During my return to glamour, I purchsed a really cheap pair of wedges from Target (pronounced Tar-jhay). To my surprise, wedges are significantly more comfortable than heels of comparable heights.

I’m sure there is an earthly explanation for the comfort of a wedge, but I’m just going to call it a miracle. Starting at 530am, I can go from my home in Thunder Bay to my home in Waterloo via Pearson international airport and a whole workday. I won't take those puppies off until 8pm and my feet still feel good - not great, but good. They should start making wedges standard issue in the army – you can't get trench foot when your foot always stays a good three inches off the wet ground.

Revelation 2 - Shoe augmentation

After having some success with wedges, I decided to press my luck with a pair of slick, red patent leather (or reasonable facsimile) heels from Winners. The shoes looked fabulous, but they felt less than fabulous. The biggest issue…slippage. I am blessed with feet that do not sweat, although they do seem to perspire heavily (I am a lady, after all), so things get a little slick on the dance floor that is the inside of my shoes by the end of the day. This loss of friction between the sole of the foot and the sole of the shoe causes “slippage”. Since your foot/body is subject to gravity (gravity – screwing us all since day one!!), the slipperiness of some sweat in your shoe causes your feet to slip forward toward the front of your shoes. This results in loss of balance, toe jamz (as in toes jamming into the toe of the shoe and taking the weight of the world on their little toe shoulders) and floppy, slippy heels. The last issue is of particular concern, because you end up looking like a kid who is playing dress up with mom’s favourite evening shoes.

I did some research and I found something called "Foot Petals" that stopped the slippage problem. They offer a number of different shoe augmentations that correct a number of ailments (sloppy heels, slippage, fallen arches, etc). For slippage in particular, they offer little absorbent pads to put in the front of your shoes that soak up your lady-seeps and keep your foot firmly in place in your heels, so you're not hindered by slippage while you work your lady-lumps (or work at your day job). They also offer arch supports specifically made for high heels, which make the heels almost as comfortable as the wedges. Miracle v2.0.

Revelation 3 – Foot lube

You keep your car well lubed, right? If you don't, things start to stick. When things stick, things wear, tear and then get busted. Feet are the same way. If you have a spot in your shoe where there is friction with your foot, you'll get rubbing and sticking, which usually results in a big, fat, hairy blister by the end of the day.

The solution...foot lube. I was investigating whether or not a "liquid bandage" would do my feet right, when I came across Band-aid's Blister Block stick. It claimed to reduce blister-causing friction by depositing a slick layer of stay-put lube on the trouble-spot. The lube layer would not stop the shoe from rubbing, but it would stop the effects of rubbing by allowing the surface of the foot and the surface of the shoe to glide freely over one another. I felt it was worth a try. I couldn't find the Band-aid brand, so I took a gamble and bought the Life brand equivalent, which is being hawked as a prophylactic measure for Diabetics, who are prone to serious foot problems because of blisters, chafing and other problems caused by friction against the feet. Note to Readers - I was going to link to some pictures of diabetic feet, but they were just too worthy of "Fangoria" magazine for my liking. You can look them up on your own if you are that interested.

Much to my surprise, the foot lube turned out to be awesome. You need to reapply it a couple of times during the day if you're walking a lot, but it's a small inconvenience compared to blistered feet. It's great for all types of shoe issues - like wearing your $2 rubber flip flops for the first time in the season.

Well, there you have it. My secrets to success. But only success with shoes. If you put foot lube on your face because you want to be successful at public speaking, you get a big, fat FAIL.

PS - For anyone who is interested, these are the shoes I'm wearing for the wedding, but mine are red patent leather. HURT!! Erm, I mean...HOT!!