What Would Joan Jetta Do?

Joan Jetta would totally smash into the back of your truck if you don't yield the right of way, bitches!
I may have mentioned to a few of you that I was thinking of rolling Joanie off a cliff to put her out of her misery. Well, the mountain came to Mohamed. Joanie smashed into a truck last night and man, she is banged up worse than the paparazzi when they messed with Tobey Maguire.

Long-story-short, I was traveling northbound on King Street in Waterloo and some kid who was traveling southbound did not notice the steady stream of oncoming traffic cruising through the green light and decided that he should make a very dangerous left-hand turn. Clearly not the best decision he would make in his short 20-year stint of time here at this gig called "Earth".

Luckily, I saw the guy in the truck start to turn left when it was clearly unsafe to do so, so I had time to brace myself against the steering wheel so that I wouldn't go face first into the steering wheel or get whiplash. No one was hurt, thank goodness.

See pics below:

The point of impact - the other side was pretty smashed up too. It's hard to see from the picture, but the front plane of the car is no longer bumper and grill and hood, it's a vertical plane of bumpergrillhood. I think that the VW symbol on the front of my car vaporized on impact. I couldn't find it anywhere. Maybe that was Joanie's soul and it's now in heaven with Tercela (my first car)?



Both airbags blew and my whole car was shrouded in this mystical airbag mist that will probably give me cancer of the miscelaneous body part. The windshield was smashed, but didn't shatter into pieces (thank goodness). I prefer my eyes to not be filled with shards of glass. I know, I know. I'm a total princess.



Check out the insides of my bitchin' stereo!! I wonder if this is a safety feature of some sort...the stereo/radio is a designated crumple point to absorb impact.



I truly loved my Joanie, but I'm afraid she's not going to be salvageable, except by salvagers who will strip her down and sell her for parts, kind of like that new Paris Hilton movie, which looks like a garbage pile in a failure bowl (starring none other than Giles from Buffy - note, I'm on a Buffy kick right now).

I'm now driving a rented Kia Rio, and because I name all my cars, she has been dubbed "Rosie", and no - it's not because the car is cheap and it's had sex with Tom Arnold. At first I was calling her Kia Farrow, which then led to Rosemary's Baby and now it's just Rosie. If you need a name for your car, just let me know. Previous car names have included:

Joseph Stallin'
Michigan J. Frog
Stally Jesse Raphael
Tercela the Tercel
Paul Walker's Scrotum

Ok - that last one wasn't a name I made up for a car. It's a name I made up for Paul Walker's scrotum.

When I got home last night, I had to call Economical insurance to make my claim. I'm not sure if their system was overloaded or if it was just not working right, but I kept on getting cut off when I was on hold waiting for an agent, so I had to call back a few times. At least I had a nice song to keep me occupied and calm while I was waiting to get service (or waiting to get cut off again). Please excuse my poor song lyrics recall in this video. I was still a bit shaken up from the accident.



Every time I called in, Africa was the waiting music. I wonder if that's how Economical measures their customer service? Instead of dropped calls or customer satisfaction rates, they measure how many Africas the customer has to listen to before they get the service they were calling in for.

Boss: Bradley - could you come into my office for a minute?
Bradley: Sure thing, Mr Corriander.
Boss: Bradley, I'd like to talk to you about your call response times. Our metrics tell us that your customers listen to at least one and a half Africas before their calls are answered. This is far longer than service excellence objective of answering all calls before the lead singer of Toto stops the old man and asks for some old forgotten words or ancient melodies. What do you have to say for yourself?
Bradley: I'll try harder from now on.
Boss: Well I hope that next time you take some time to do the things you never had.

Grammar, Toto. Grammar!!