Overheard at Pizza Pizza on University & King:
Two gentlemen, who can only be described as "Dudes" or "McClarens" (the name Sean and I use to describe backwards baseball cap-wearing, sports team-loyal, generic guys who have no brain in their head and use the term "fag" as a name to call someone that they don't like...or perhaps have a secret and shameful crush on).
McClaren 1: Dude - is it totally bush league if I get a slice of cheese pizza?
McClaren 2: Why would you do that? Look at all these different kinds?
McClaren 1: Yeah - I'll probably get a Bacon-Double-Cheeseburger slice
Translation:
McClaren 1: I feel that you will judge me for having an opinion that is different from yours.
McClaren 2: I will
McClaren 1: Alright - I will bend to your will and continue to be disappointed with life
In an Exercise Class at the Gym:
Instructor: Ladies! This exercise will target your glutes and we all know that means butt and thighs. When you don't exercise these muscles, bad things happen. Think "the effects of gravity", think "cellulite"!
Maggie's Immediate Thoughts:
- You can't fight gravity. It's a constant on our planet. Ask a scientist or anyone who has ever tried to fly without the aid of an aircraft aka crazy people. Even crazy people are aware on some fundamental level that you can't fight gravity. If you want to fight gravity, start building a rocket ship so that you can live in space.
- I've had cellulite on my thighs and butt since I was in highschool when my glutes were worked out on a daily basis and I had a body that most women would die for. My glutes were so well exercised that they could probably beat up your dad...but they still had cellulite.
- Only one thing gets rid of cellulite without surgery. It's called Anorexia Nervosa and I simply don't have time to die of starvation. I have a frigging wedding to plan!
- Don't try to trick these women into thinking they can sculpt perfect bodies through exercise. Most of the women that do these classes are over the age of 30 and their bodies are in various states of decline. The instructor would be better off to tell us about the health benefits of working a major muscle group, or the anti-osteoperosis qualities of a weight-bearing exercise routine, but no - she chooses to focus on vanity instead of general health. No wonder people hate gyms.
Me to Snoopers on Saturday morning:
When Snoopers is hungry, he meows in a way that sounds very much like yelling and it's really quite offensive. Yesterday morning when he was "yelling at me", I said to him (because I talk to my cats), "Jesus, Snoopers. I can tell that you're hungry because of your incessant emailing". I meant "meowing", but instead I said "emailing". If only my cats had the ability to email me. I wonder what they'd say...
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