Oh My - Your Baby is Terrifying

This blog post goes out to all my pregnant friends...

You know those babies? The ones that look like Benjamin Button when they're born? The ones that look like Quatto from Total Recall? "Quuuuuuuaaaaaaiiiiiidddd!!!"

Maybe the baby is looking less than ideal because it's grumpy or it's in the process of taking a poo. I present Exhibit A: The baby in the video below goes through the full spectrum, from cute to ugly, and most of the ugly takes place during a hardy push.

Although I can relate to the parents in the video for having a corprophiliac sense of humour, I hope they stop filming their child taking a grump by the time the kid is 10 or at least stop laughing uproariously during the dump by the time the kid is 8 if they insist on continuing to capture the miracle of digestion/elimination on video. Otherwise, they are in for a world of hurt in the teenage years.

Unfortunately, there is a possibility that the baby is plainly and simply just an unattractive baby. That unattractiveness is not necessarily due to bad genes. I present Exhibit B: Conan O'Brien has been very successful in demonstrating the lack of relationship between the attractiveness of the parents and the attractivenes of the child. This has been demonstrated on national television, which makes it true and credible.

There's a great blog out there right now called "Sexy People" and there are some very ugly people on that blog. Let me rephrase...there are some very unfortunate haircuts and mom jeans on that blog. They may not be ugly people, but they're definitely in need of a makeover. Some of those poor, unfortunate souls on the blog happen to be ugly children.

Did you know that the Bat Child from Weekly World News (the world's only reliable news) had a sister?

I don't even know what to say about this one. This girl's parents put H.R. Giger to shame.

To all my pregnant friends out there...may your babies be as cute as a button (not Benjamin Button) and if they're not, let's pray that they at least have a beautiful singing voice like Quatto.

For the record, I don't know any ugly babies, so don't go assuming that your ugly baby inspired this blog post, because it didn't. I was inspired to write this blog post way before I saw your ugly baby.