Unexpected Visitor

No - I'm not pregnant, despite the excitement that the title of this post may have caused.





Apologies for the lack of posts lately. I wish I had a good excuse, but there hasn't been anything interesting happening.

We did have an unexpected visitor on the weekend though. Remember Blossom the Possom? Blossom visited us at our old house in Kitchener, but has not visited us in Thunder Bay. She says she's waiting for better weather, but I don't think she'll acutally visit. She has a new boyfriend, so we don't hear from her much anymore.

On Saturday morning, Sean commented that Robo had been preoccupied with the fireplace for the last couple of days. I suggested that it was just wind coming down the chimney and stirring the ashes, but Sean and Robo decided to do some more investigation.



This is how much Snoopers cared about the investigation...Borrrrrring



While Professor Cat and his lab assistant were conducting their analysis, Sean yelped and exclaimed, "Whoa! There's something in there"!! Upon further inspection, Sean realized he was nose to nose with a bird. So we had a bird in our fireplace. What do you do when you realize you have a bird in your fireplace. Call your ornithologically inspired friends. We called our friend James. He must have tought we were crazy. He's a bird watcher, not a bird rescue unit. He didn't know what to do. We called Sean's dad. He said we have three options:

• Close the flue and let it die slowly
• Light a fire and kill it quickly
• Open the fireplace and hope for the best

We chose option three because we disagree for the killing of birds (except if we then bake it and feast on its flesh and skin).

At the point when we opened the fireplace door, the bird had flown up into the chimney and we weren't sure if it was still even in there. Per Sean's dad's advice, we started hoping for the best.

Within a minute or so I heard Sean whoop again, because the bird had flown out of the fireplace straight at his his head. It flapped around the window a bit and then got caught in the curtains. That's when the video started rolling.

Here's a picture of the bird and a picture of the bird poop it left on our window frame. Don't feel bad, birdie. You're not the first guest to shit themselves at our house, but usually it's due to laughter or drug use.

Note, that Sean and I used to be under the impression that we're people who can react to situations appropriately. This situation proved otherwise. Emergency medicine is definitely out of the cards for Sean. We reacted about as well as the folks in this horrifying bird attack video (auntie P - you may not want to watch this)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt8RDjlx9V8

I guess it was a learning experience.

• Learning #1 - if you're going to let a bird loose in your house, close all the blinds because the sound of a bird flying into a plate of glass is not pretty
• Learning #2 - Do not try to pick up a bird with your bare hands. It's impossible. And you may get avian bird flu
• Learning #3 - Your fiance is a man despite the fact that he screams like a lady

In other relatively uninteresting news, I found a 1-up hidden in the woods by the highway.

And I found out that people from Manitoba are not afraid to unabashedly "one up" the fishing in Ontario. Well, FU Manitoba!! I'm not sure who you're referring to as the "Manitoba Monster" on that billboard. Is it the fish or is it that hideous creature that's holding it?




I just realized where I know that bird from!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBLhYLAfozU&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo%2Egoogle%2Eca%2Fvideosearch%3Fhl%3Den%26um%3D1%26q%3Dclarice%2520starling%26ie%3DUTF%2D8%26sa%3DN%26tab%3Div&feature=player_embedded

Q: How many Silence of the Lambs references can one blog have?

A: You can never have enough. It's such a light-hearted romp.

Lousy Smarch Weather

From http://www.weather.ca/ this morning.

WINTER STORM WARNING: City of Thunder Bay

Issued at 11:39 AM EDT TUESDAY 10 MARCH 2009
MAJOR SNOWSTORM BEGINNING THIS AFTERNOON NEAR THE INTERNATIONAL BORDER..AND OVER ALL THE ABOVE REGIONS THIS EVENING. NEAR BLIZZARD CONDITIONS EXPECTED. THIS IS A WARNING THAT DANGEROUS WINTER WEATHER CONDITIONS ARE IMMINENT OR OCCURRING IN THESE REGIONS. MONITOR WEATHER CONDITIONS..LISTEN FOR UPDATED STATEMENTS.
AN INTENSE COLORADO LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM IS EXPECTED TO SWEEP ACROSS THE GREAT LAKES THIS EVENING AND MOVE THROUGH CENTRAL AND NORTHERN ONTARIO BY WEDNESDAY MORNING. IN GENERAL SNOWFALL AMOUNTS OF 25 TO 40 CENTIMETRES ARE EXPECTED WITH THIS STORM ESPECIALLY ALONG A SWATH EXTENDING FROM NORTHWESTERN SHORES OF LAKE SUPERIOR TO KAPUSKASING. EXTENSIVE BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOW ARE ALSO FORECAST GIVING NEAR BLIZZARD CONDITIONS AT TIMES. HEAVY SNOWFALL WILL START TAPERING OFF FROM THE THUNDER BAY ATIKOKAN AND VICINITY REGIONS OVERNIGHT AND FROM THE REST OF THE WARNED REGIONS WEDNESDAY MORNING.

I'm in Waterloo this week, thank goodness.

We all remember what happened last time there was lousy Smarch weather...

Homer accidentally turned up the thermostat causing Groundskeeper Willy to turn into an homage to everyone's favourite neighborhood bad guy (Freddy Krueger) and Katie, Wayne, Sarah and I invented a horrible girlie drink called "The Tool Belt" out of scraps of booze from my liquor cabinet. It made me vomit.

You can watch the Simpsons episode referenced above at the link below (in Russian at minute 6:35). I wonder how you say "lousy Smarch weather" in Russian? Fortunately, there's no video footage of me getting re-acquainted with my Tool Belt.

http://rutube.ru/tracks/1078179.html

PS - for more entertainment in the realm of random, check out the google images results for "Lousy Smarch Weather". It's been a while since I've seen such a specific query return such random results.

Sean - let us know if you need any help digging out. We'll mail you a tool belt.

WIFE SWAP!! Hot Pork Sandwich Edition

A few weekends ago (the day after Valentines Day), I starred in an upcoming episode of WIFE SWAP!!

While Sean and our newly acquired friend Sarah studied for their med school exams, Sarah's husband and I went WIFE SWAPPING...I mean SNOW FUNNING!! The episode will never be aired because the swappers got along too well and then the two couples ate Beef Borguianon at the end of the day unlike the unfortunate wife swappers below.

A couple of the runs at Lutsen had amusing names.

If "Caroline's Challenge" is anything like Caroline in the City, the run is full of wacky neighbors and introspective loathing.

Brule Run!!! For your health!!

Brules Rules - Funny home videos are a click away

"Hot Pork Sandwich", "Gooney Birds" & "Cats Under the Stars" and the bassist from "Kung Fu Hippies".

Kimber from Jem & the Holograms on the Keytar...

Glenn Danzig on vocals (hopefully he and Kimber can put aside their differences from his days with The Misfits).

Glenn is backed by the ladies from "Hot Sundaes". Hopefully Jesse has kicked that caffiene habit. Glenn doesn't tolerate any substances in the band.



and Miley Cyrus on drums

My cousin Fiora is the band manager and I am their evil overlord who will lure them into a world of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll never fathomed by our grandparents or your creepy uncles.

The Others

It's no secret that I'm an avid viewer of the much loved/hated show "LOST". For those of you who don't watch LOST, start watching it asap because if you're over at my house and I'm watching it, I will not tolerate your million-and-one questions during the episode I will force you to watch. Here's the basic premise:

A plane crashes on a mysterious island. Mysterious things happen. Time travel?

Now that you're up to speed on the plot, I'd like to bring your attention to a group of people on the island called "The Others".



The Others are people who were already on the island when the plane crashed on it. No one knows who they are or why they're there. They're portrayed as villians who want to steal your baby reeeeeealy bad. They have many tricks up their many sleeves, or so the castaways think. They infiltrate the camp of the crash victims to gather information about them. They wear neutral-coloured clothes. Some are nice, some are not, some are crazy. They love, laugh and grieve, just like everyone else...but they're bad. Or are they?



Above is another picture of The Others. Not so drab this time in their natural habitat. Taking a stroll to an awkward book club meeting, having a strange medical experiment forced upon them while the sun is shining, having a creepy, ultra-conservative leader who manipulates the minds of people and the time-space continuum alike. Sound familiar, Canada? In the end, The Others are a lot like the castaways who so rudely crashed their tranquil, Utopian party.

Classifying people that you don't make an immediate connection with as "Others" is a natural tendency of our human brains. We have to make some snap judgments and classify people (rightly or wrongly) upon meeting them, or else we wouldn't be able to get any errands done on a Sunday. We'd be too busy administering one of those "tell me about yourself" chain mail surveys that haunt the internet to every cashier, fellow transit-taker and passer-by we encounter. The snap judgments we make are rooted in our struggle to live long enough to reproduce. These judgments can be a matter of life and death and one poorly-timed lapse in coding someone or something as "Similar" or "Other" could mean the difference between being friends and getting stabbed in the neck. If we as proto-humans in our cavewomyn days classified saber-tooth tigers as "Similars", we would have promptly gotten eaten, so making wise judgments regarding people is coded into our jeans. Ok, maybe not these chicks (they're not wearing any jeans), but those are fantasy art characters (BTW...my physique is based off those characters and they should have to pay me royalties for using my likeness).



This chick definitely made a judgment error in placing Eaglehead Birdman in her "Similars" category. I love the "whatever" expression on her face. "Sure - I guess I could lay some eggs for you. I didn't have plans tonight".



According to my research, which is based on the Darwin Awards, the inability to distinguish between "Others" and "Similars" are what caused the extinction of the Neanderthals. Somehow this guy slipped through the cracks. Tiger hugs. I bet he has one hell of a brow ridge under that hat.



Believe it or not, this ramble has a point. I was out and about in T-Bay today and I certainly felt like an "Other". In each place I visited, I looked around and I saw very few people that I could call "a Similar". There were people my age, but many of them had kids or other characteristics that distinguished them from me like kids or buying drink'n boxes. There were people who dressed like me, but they were probably about 10 years younger (Note to self: start wearing age appropriate clothing before Stacey and Clinton knock on your door). There were lots of women, but they were more diverse than a Dove commercial.

What's the point of all this? Well, I, in all seriousness, am feeling out of place. The lack of "Similars" is a very visible impact of the Exodus that has taken place out of Thunder Bay over the past 20 years. It seems like the "Similars" tend to go elsewhere (Southern/Eastern Ontario or out West) and the "Others" tend to stay. Now, I have to qualify all of this by saying that I have met a number of "Similars". It's not that they're not out there...you just need to know where to look for them. They were under the couch cushions all this time!!

Speaking of "Others", Sean and I were forced to hang out with his cousin Kissangelo from Brussels and my half sister Feorra from Ibitha last weekend (I didn't even know someone could be from Ibitha). They got really drunk and Sean and I had to take care of them all night. It was horrifying.

K-OS Ain't Just a Rapper from Toronto

Hello, fans of sports!!!

I started this post in early January, but I didn't finish it. I'm finishing it because it had some sweet, sweet bloggold in it. More retro posts are on the way...stay tuned

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Our house is in K-OS. Khaotic Operating System v1.0 - that's what our furnace and Internet connections are running on. I always capitolize "Internet". I guess it's because I see it as an entity all unto its own.

Our stuff was delivered last Monday morning and it was a near death experience for me. I almost froze to death. I know, I know...I was not actually close to freezing to death, but what would this blog be without a bit of overzealous exaggeration? In the words of my mother when I used to throw a teeny-bopper tantrum and claim that I would die if I didn't get borrow her car on a really stormy night to go to Hamilton to visit my cousin Marcia, "People don't die that easily" (true story). She was, and still is, so logical. In all seriousness, I wasn't close to death due to freezing, but maybe I was close to taking my own life because I was slowly freezing to death and I was feeling like I'd rather get the whole death business overwith quickly.

The garage door and front door were open while the movers brought our posessions into the house. The thermostat stopped dropping at 40 degrees F - the point at which I had assumed the cold from the outside and the heat from the furnace came to impasse.

I was thinking, "stop being a wuss...it's not that bad. 40 isn't even below freezing", yet my limbs were starting to ache, I couldn't feel my feet or fingers. When the movers weren't around, I'd get up and jump around and make high-pitched squealing noises in an unsuccessful attempt to get blood pumping through my very purple arteries. Jennifer Beals and Sarah Wolf both would have been proud of the Flashdance I did in the spirit of warming up. Lots of running on the spot.

I started walking around the house to keep from turning into Jack Torrence.

*note, the picture above was taken from the Affordable Housing Institute blog. High-larious.

While I was walking, I saw one of the movers putting together one of our chairs.

The mover was sweating because he was actually doing something physical, rather than just sedentarily whining about how cold he was (he probably wouldn't keep his job if he was more the latter than the former). As he leaned over the chair to screw the legs onto it, I noticed that big drops of sweat were dripping from his face onto the seat of the chair. First of all, gross. Second of all, yuck. I turned the other way, like I usually did when I couldn't watch what the movers were doing to my stuff.
A few mins later, I walked past the chair he sweated on and I noticed that the sweat had beaded on the cushion and hadn't soaked in. Great, I thought. I'll just brush that sweat off of there and perhaps absorb any remaining heat left in it. Well, sure enough, the beads of sweat were frozen solid. Frozen before they could even begin to soak into the cushion. That's when I realized it wasn't 40 degrees in the house. It was probably -40! The forecast that morning called for -25 Celcius and that was before the wind chill. I'm proud to report that I'm not a wuss.

So - do you like what we've done with the place?

And for your viewing pleasure...WTF? I don't know which video is worse. The second one looks totally Canadian, and if it's not, that makes it extra disgraceful, if ever one could be so disgraced.

Oh, and while I was searching for the videos above (yes, I actually looked for them. You get what you pay for and YouTube is free), I found this awesome picture of the band Toto. Be sure to scroll all the way to the right. Enjoy

Someone Left Some Snow at Our House

So, someone left some snow at our house. Obviously, the "No Dumping" sign we put up was ignored. Sean and I had to go clean up the mess.

About 30cm of snow fell in the last 24h here in T Bay. Sean diligently blew out his parents' driveway in the morning while it was still snowing.

New James Bond villian - Dr. sNOw

In the afternoon when the skies cleared, we headed over to our place to clear the driveway there by good ole fashioned shovel power.

Holy crap!! Who the...? What the what? What? Are you serious? Let me tell you - a snowblower is definitely going to be on the wedding registry. Check out the drift on top of the garage.

Good thing the plow came by to make this blog post even more shocking.

Closeup of the drift on the roof



A couple of shots of the first pass with the shovel

Me, hiding behind the drift. It's only going to get larger.

You know all those uninformed things that parents say to explain snow to kids? God has dandruf and his head is really itchy. Angels are getting a wing trim. Zeus is sawing extruded styrofoam insulation for his latest home project. Woogie, the great freckled camel in the sky is shearing his lavender sheep. Etc, etc.

Well, here's a neat website regarding snow and how it works. The link below will take you to some fun lies people tell about snow. This will break your heart if you think water has emotions or a sense of nostalga.

http://www.its.caltech.edu/~atomic/snowcrystals/myths/myths.htm