The Ladybug's Picnic Totally Sucked!!

Before I publish a new post, I always read over my last post to make sure that I wrap up any cliffhangers that my readership (ha...I'm having some delusions of grandeur today) is waiting with baited breath to find resolution to. What I've found after reading my last post is that the ladybug's picnic totally sucked. I think that song was written to help kids learn how to manage the crushing disappointments in their lives. Here's a breakdown of the picnic:
- The sacks from their sack race broke, so they resorted to telling knock-knock jokes
- Their jumprope snapped and that resulted in them falling on their backs and faces
- They end up talking around a campfire about the high price of furniture, rugs and fire insurance for ladybugs (boring) and all the while their campfire is growing larger and larger. Then a fire truck puts out their fire

Poor ladybugs. NOW GET OUT OF MY WINDOWSILLS BEFORE I SPRAY INSECTICIDE ON YOU!! That would really ruin a picnic. Being exterminated en masse.

The cliffhanger from my last post was about buying/selling our house(s), but we're still not in a locked and loaded position for those yet (Inspector Electrical Gadget didn't show up on Friday), so you'll have to wait a little longer for the details.

Since this post is not action packed, here are two very different cops and robbers chases for you:

Remember when they tried to ban this video because it was too violent? By "they" I mean "The Man"



I think the OPP uses this as one of their training videos:



Thanks to everyone who made it to my Halloween party. It was great to see y'all in your costumes. I was especially impressed by Dan's "Conservative Supporter" costume, complete with hair combed in a nerdy fashion.

On a totally unrelated and irrelevant note, I think Ty Pennington of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition- and Trading Spaces-fame is on a runaway train that is barreling straight toward suicide. I bought the latest edition of Real Simple and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos to prepare for an evening of early Bernie Mac episodes (seriously, they're hilarious) and posting halloween pictures on facebook. As I was leafing through the pages, my thumb automatically slipped to a full page, card stock fold-out ad for Similac baby formula hawking their redesigned container (I think the formula used to be called "Breastmilk" and the container was called a "breast" before the redesign). And who is the celeb who is pushing (or being paid to push) the formula? Mr Ty Pennington.



Pardon my french, but WTF? Did the co-op student at the ad agency who wanted to get their boss fired make this decision? I'm not even a mother and I find this to be totally ridiculous. If having children means that you will become part of a demographic that, on the whole, loves Ty Pennington so much that you would honour his endorsement of baby formula, I would prefer my eggs scrambled rather than fertilized (and most of you know how I feel about eggs). Click here to see the online version of the ad.
Ty's ad reminds me of that SNL commercial where Stevie Wonder endorses the Kannon AE-1 camera. "So easy, even Stevie Wonder can use it". Next it will be Mike Holmes signature Tampax Tampons, Huey Lewis & The News Hydraulic Fluid Supplies or High School Musical Patient Transfer Slings.

Ding Dong, Ringy Gone

Last weekend I traveled to the mighty metropolis of Toronto to get my engagement ring resized. The sheer weight of the diamond was stretching the ring to the point that it was all sloppy floppy on my finger. I've been without my ring for about a week now and I'm still feeling quite naked. There's nothing to fiddle with during boring conversations, traffic and/or meetings at work. I never thought I could fall in love with a piece of jewelery, but I did. Sean - I'm leaving you for our ring.

While I was in Toronto, I looked at wedding bands as well. The jeweler is making a wax mock-up for mine since I have an unusual (yet amazing) engagement ring so it needs an unusual (yet amazing) wedding band to maintain its awesomeness. I chose a plain white gold band (matte finish) for Sean. It was so easy to choose a ring for Sean. Sean...never change. I felt kind of cold-hearted or lazy after it took only moments to find a ring for Sean, but it is what it is...there's not a lot of variables to insert into a basic men's wedding ring for a basic man who likes basic things (except when it comes to food).

Speaking of food...the cats are cranky, cranky, cranky. I didn't buy enough prescription food for them while they were on "holiday" at the grandparents house, so the grandparents did what any grandparents do...they fed their grandkids junk food because that's what they sell at the grocery store. The cats were in heaven. It was like giving a kid a bowls of Smarties for breakfast, lunch and dinner. When you feed kids nothing but Smarties they just get fat, but when you feed my cats the equivalent to nothing but Smarties, they get crystals in their urine. Sorry kids...back to health food for you! Switching back to their regular food was like that show, "Honey! We're Killing The Kids" where really unhealthy families try to get healthy. The cats whined and complained. Snoopers even ran away briefly today - I have no idea how that tub-o-lard escaped the back yard. In the end, they've settled back into their bland routine and said "I love you, Mom".

On Saturday morning, I had the pleasure of accompanying Graham Dunn and Dr. X to Kindermusic. It was Wunderbar! It made me want to become a musical therapist. I'd get to sing songs to kids and make them laugh and teach them how to love music.
There were only 3 kids at the session and 7 adults - the adult team totally dominated. We were way better at Kindermusic than the kids were. We didn't put the instruments in our mouths, which was the first step toward success. Maybe kids have a special ability to taste music that wears off over time.
Here's Xander, doing what he does best...ooze cuteness.



Xander is really fond of pointing these days, which leads me to believe that Kindermusic needs more Pointer Sisters content. I think all kids have a natural ability to do "The Neutron Dance". What kid wouldn't benefit from a little P. Sisters in their life?



Actually, the one of the sister's skirt was obscenely short in that clip, so maybe the Pointer Sisters aren't as kid-appropriate as I had originally thought. She needed two hairdoos to wear that dress. Funny story...when I played that song for my brother (yes...it was my favourite song about 3 or 4 years ago), he was shocked to hear that the singer was a woman.

As per usual, this blog post is about to turn tangential. According to the internet, the pinball counting song from Sesame Street was performed by the Pointer Sisters. Who knew? Without hyperbole, this song plays in my head whenever anyone counts out loud. It's hard-wired into my brain and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only 30-something that has been similarly influenced by a bunch of puppets.

I found a couple other Sesame Street favourites that are never far from my mind.

Ladybug's Picnic


The Alligator King


Oh...and we sold our house. And pretty much bought one too. More on that next post...

Took Off From the Great White North

It's the weekend after Thanksgiving and my Northern adventure has drawn to a close. Sean and I had a nice visit and it was good to see the in-laws and the in-dog.
I arrived late on Thursday night to find Sean and his car enveloped in a cloud of second-hand cigarette smoke, but smooching him was as sweet as a mule eating an apple despite the offensive odor.

I worked all day on Friday, which was a little taste of the telecommuter life I will have once I move to T Bay. It went well. I spoke to most of the people that I normally speak to on the phone in any given day and then had lots of quiet time to "work" rather than "talk". You see, most of my desk time usually gets eaten up by people who see that my door is open and so they come to talk to me. 99% of the time it's about work and we solve "work" problems while we're speaking, but I usually have some more traditional "work" to do during that time (ie: reading reports, composing a communication, putting the finishing touches on my plan to take over the company and rename it SeylerCorp 9000, LLC - we would manufacture more Seyler's for the world through cybernetic generation, not breeding farms. It's part of my larger plan to take over the world). I actually got to do some work, so that was nice. I think I'm going to be one of those people who ends up being more productive when they work at home. Yay for independent decision-making!

On Friday evening, Sean and I ventured to a place called United States (you may have heard of it) to pick up some jazz we bought on the Interweb (another place you may have heard of). We had a little bit of static at the border because we didn't have receipts for everything, but luckily the border guard was a kind soul and she let us go with a stern warning to bring receipts next time. I think that it helped that she was a 20-something girl who seemed to be of a similar demographic to us (hipster wannabe in funky clothes beneath her flak jacket). I wonder if things would have been different if we were smelly, toothless truckers that said "hello, little lady. I'd pick you up from the side of the road if you were hitch-hiking".

A great sign that we saw on the way into the US.
I see an apple and something citrusey (fruit and/or veggie), a plant (plants), a ham and some sausages (meat), but where does the parrot fit into this picture? Is a parrot considered a recommended source of meat in Minnesota?


Once we got back into cell coverage (there is none for about 50 miles outside of Thunder Bay), we received good e-news that our conditional house sale had firmed up on Friday afternoon. There's one condition that we need to take care of before the end of November but the sale is final unless Sean and I fail to uphold our end of the bargain. Woot. Now we just need to find a place in Thunder Bay.

On Saturday, we went for a hike in Sleeping Giant Provincial Park which is about an hour away from Thunder Bay. We hiked with some of the people from the medical school and one of their friends. It was a great day for a hike - mix of sun and cloud and a bit cool. My new hiking boots held up quite nicely and were comfy the whole way. We ate lunch by the lake and then hiked back out. Check out the picture below for some stereotype-enrichment. This is a photo of me being SWARMED by bugs. Oddly enough, I was the only person in our group to be of such interest to the bugs. Perhaps they too are attracted to the smell of Toronto?



On our way home, we stopped at Thunder Bay lookout, which provides a beautiful view of Thunder Bay. The lookout has a platform that hangs out over the edge of the cliff. It's kind of scary. It reminded me of the time I went up the CN Tower and stood on the glass floor. You know nothing's going to happen, or will it? Will you plunge to your death? Will that 8 year old who is jumping on the glass cause it to break? The only way to find out is to walk to the edge. Here's a picture of Sean and I both looking unnatural because we're not used to hanging over a cliff...more specifically, I'm not used to sharing the platform that hangs over the cliff with a 300lb man.


Sunday we ate too much and then on Monday, we slept it off. I left early in the morning on Tuesday :(

In all seriousness, Thunder Bay is different from anywhere I lived before, with the exception of the fact that there are few parallel roads (sound familiar, K-Wers?). There are so many bungalows. So many. It's like Nanabosho (aka The Sleeping Giant) planted a whole bunch of house seeds and in the 1950s-1970s they all germinated and bloomed into beautiful, one-storey houses that "show beautifully" and "have lots of updates". Unfortunately, neither Sean or I want to live in a bungalow. Oh Nanabosho...can't you help us find suitable housing like you helped the Ojibwai find silver in your hills oh so many years ago?



Now for your weekly dose of Robo. I heard the unmistakable sign of the toilet tank lid clanking, so I grabbed my camera because I knew something funny was going on. Robo chased his tail for a good two minutes of video. The only real action happens in the first 20 seconds or so when he bonks his head on the toilet. The rest is just mindless spinning. He's so close to falling off on many occasions, but he defies gravity.

Take Off to the Great White North

Does anyone remember that song? The song that Geddy Lee sang on the Bob and Doug McKenzie Christmas album. Good lord, I hope I can find it on youtube. If not, I'm sure I can order a copy on reel to reel from the National Film Board of Canada/Office National du Film du Canada and then visit your homes individually with my hi-fi and play it for you.

God bless youtube. It has all things Canadian and shitty.



This made me howl. I howled laughing. I didn't howl because I was trying to sing like Geddy Lee. I love the "slideshow" format. This is snow-covered brilliance. Did anyone catch the one shot that was from Thunder Bay? You get a prize if you spot it. The prize is pride, and no one can take that from you - unless they break your spirit.

Anyway - my post is not about great Canadian music or taming wild horses, it's about my upcoming trip to Thunder Bay. Oh...and I'm visiting Sean while I'm there.

I bought some hiking boots and a tutu, so I figure I'm ready for a weekend in the North. In addition to my hiking boots and tutu, I'm also packing the following:

• Bear repellant
• A test bear to make sure the repellant works
• Bug spray
• Bug net
• Bug jammer
• Bug mind power dominance kit
  
• Socks - lots of them to avoid "trench-foot" (advanced apologies to those who had a grandfather who died due to foot complications while fighting in any wars)
• Underwear - long and regular
• Sweaters - for sweating
• Jeans - maybe a few extra pairs to trade for local goods. Jeans - they're todays beaver pelts
• Genes - I don't leave home without them
  
• Pemmican - just in case I get lost in the forest for days
• High heels - to impress the bears I've just repelled
• Face-wash

Done packing!

Sadly, my camera decided to take a poop on my trip to Muskoka last weekend, so I won't be able to take any pictures this weekend. :( :( Double sad emoticon means that I'm very sad. I have my BB camera but it's just not the same. I'm so hard-done-by. Only one of my cameras is of acceptable quality. It's really hard to be so underprivledged. I wonder if this is what it was like to live through the Great Depression because I bet the lives of people in the '20s were also devoid of quality photographic equipment. I can relate.

I'm sure you're really upset about my camera, so here's a video of Robo. This video was shot while my camera was still operational. It showcases Robo's high level of anticipation when he thinks there's a chance he will get to go outside.




The following isn't a video about my cats, but the cat in this video reminds me of Robo. This will be a blast from the past for y'all, courtesy of the Office National du Film du Canada.

http://www.nfb.ca/animation/objanim/en/films/film.php?sort=title&id=17537

Here's another gem from the Film Board. Keep an eye out for many strange things around the house.

http://www.nfb.ca/animation/objanim/en/films/film.php?sort=title&id=15310

Now that I've wasted enough of your time, in the words of my mother - GO DO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE YOU CURSED BRATS!